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side a: demos - scratch

by ness lake

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1.
2.
poise intact 02:04
no one ever tells you nothing ever feels right they want you to be careful they want you to sleep tight well i don't fold my hands I don't look both ways I opened a pass between my ears, it's all clear for you when you say i care about things i hope that you're well better hope and kneel it'll all be swell i care about things i never used to you better hope and kneel it's all you have we're all we've got better line your sights and aim your shots at center mass and hold your breath obstinate death endocrine swell I go to work, i go to hell i do the motions contort to pose for better worth and whiter clothes choose dialogue for browner nose we're lazy lovers, meander sow me directions for each and every day you hold my hand i look away watch knuckles stiffen, refuse contract my grace is clean my poise intact
3.
repeat 02:20
a quarter turn to the right light my candles hit the lights it's too hot sear my skin two twitches clockwise bring it in to tolerable three bottles now soap and suds signing out a melody a melody rinse and repeat rinse and repeat
4.
5.
nothing else 02:09
we fall apart in the strangest ways we decompose in the strangest place we've got our health we've got our cat there's nothing else after that just holding hands, biding time, erasing debt, drawing lines on my face, my hands move slow, the doctrine promise, siren's low song now composed
6.
waking up from almost drowning public pool now everyone's smiling a thousand half filled balloons fall from the ceiling newspaper confetti, "thanks for surviving" another day, of mostly cursed receipt paper, filed in your purse diet soda, low fat milk you picked your poison you picked your risk you picked your risk you picked your i don't know when i started feeling under floorboards, under meanings co-dependence, start receding slash burn farming, so much freeing so much freeing
7.
hell isnt a place, it is a feeling of not knowing where you are or where you're stepping or how far, is too far from my parents house and tether, tangled in wishing "do better" sever several seconds from each exhale domesticate, suffer, suffocate, and do it all again again again again everything, green and overgrown the things you want, the things you own sever several seconds from each exhale domesticate, suffer, suffocate, and do it all again again again again again again again again again again again again
8.
9.
shark 04:52
my body fetal wrapped in the asphalt bird picked clean bird picked clean sticks and stones discovered bones it seems where do the bodies go where do the bodies go i'm on the side of the road i'm on the side of the road when i finally go when i finally go turn a flame to my flesh it's my turn to sow reinvest my bones reinvest my bones into flowers into the ground i don't have it I don't hurt the same anymore if i'm numb will i lose it will i lose it shark circling the drain if i stopped would i feel the same? flames creep across the surface dots crawl across the floor shark circling the drain sharp circling my brain if i sever everything will i still feel the same?
10.
deforest 02:51
when you stop the games you start to pretend what's better off is what's better said i've seen it before you're never happy until someone else dies and you can think clearly with no one around you're always alone you look in the mirror, thinking two's better than one who is he? i always scream with black eye bags a perfect touch underneath with the forest gone we can bury the axe black ice patch 4,000 pounds you said that it's not slippery if you can see the ground inertia ignoring signs i wish that i had realized what had been mine i wish that i had realized what had been mine i wish that i had realized what had been mine i wish that i had realized what had been mine with the forest gone we can bury the axe
11.
hell isnt a place, it is a feeling of not knowing where you are or where you're stepping or how far, is too far from my parents house and tether, tangled in wishing "do better" sever several seconds from each exhale domesticate, suffer, suffocate, and do it all again again again again everything, green and overgrown the things you want, the things you own sever several seconds from each exhale domesticate, suffer, suffocate, and do it all again again again again again again again again again again again again
12.
public pool 02:07
waking up from almost drowning public pool now everyone's smiling a thousand half filled balloons fall from the ceiling newspaper confetti, "thanks for surviving" another day, of mostly cursed receipt paper, filed in your purse diet soda, low fat milk you picked your poison you picked your risk you picked your risk you picked your i don't know when i started feeling under floorboards, under meanings co-dependence, start receding slash burn farming, so much freeing so much freeing
13.
the guiltiest sleep while the guiltiest dream of doing things right every time breakfast, bedhead so sorry, storebought dozen eggs - give way i turn around and say i heard you talking last light circadia hums, fist fight serpent tongues, spider drool you made your home, i tossed around everyone, everyone, everyone decomposed, i watch you now decomposed, i watch you now
14.
15.
goners 02:49
no one knows the feeling of being completely off in the dark, we never stop no one knows the feeling of being completely wrong except for me, I've heard your songs but i don't ever want to feel like i don't have to try if you're gone, i'm gone, we're gone, it's alright, it's alright when you're going nowhere you can stop thinking like you're wasting away alone between the fridge and the sink we're okay we don't have to leave it's a party, a big birthday party for something that we've never seen
16.
nostalgia 02:55
careful cacophony drumming on the steering wheel we're headed home we'll get there when we get there we'll get there when we get there careful cacophony sonar sings! back and forth! do you understand? do you still feel? are you still there? are you still there? everyone i know has held the things that i've held close for so long, so long and never let go of nostalgia, nostalgia wish i could be part of your world i only hear your voice through computers a well assembled nightmare, i was in the front there please slow down, watch the signs, please drive safer, as the crow flies I've been baptized in the sun everyone i know has held the things that i've held close for so long, so long and never let go of nostalgia, nostalgia everyone i know has held the things that i've held close for so long, so long and never let go of nostalgia, nostalgia
17.
we fall apart in the strangest ways we decompose in the strangest place we've got our health we've got our cat there's nothing else after that just holding hands, biding time, erasing debt, drawing lines on my face, my hands move slow, the doctrine promise, siren's low song now composed now composed now composed now composed there's blood in the bathroom sink i brush my teeth i brush my teeth there's blood in the bathroom sink i brush my hair, i try to think
18.
evaporating ecstasy next to me everything i used to hide beneath a tattered sequence habit gone generation loss with each and every one generation loss with each and every buried convictions trusted guts snare roll doldrums, caustic ruts i lie awake next to you frantic tomorrow's coming soon what am i gonna do?
19.
evaporating ecstasy next to me everything i used to hide beneath a tattered sequence habit gone generation loss with each and every one generation loss with each and every buried convictions trusted guts snare roll doldrums, caustic ruts i lie awake next to you frantic tomorrow's coming soon what am i gonna do?
20.
its been full moon flesh all summer and sangria tastes like church in the pews next to your brother tithing hope you'll get in first we're broken brake pads, 94 in white sedans morning traffic, real life loading, hurts my hands but now i'm bleeding from the hip with all my sins i was baptized in your hot tub with the drunks and seraphims now heaven's someplace different it's handholding gracious pecks I knew what i was doing dante's ring's on your index and now i'm burning you didn't think you'd make it there's grace still in your eyes you saw god i saw a father a reflection of disguised growth in pure destruction through the cull i feel the static i've been staving off depression with indulgence and commandments but now i'm bleeding from the hip with all my sins i was baptized in your hot tub with the drunks and seraphims now heaven's someplace different it's handholding gracious pecks I knew what i was doing dante's ring's on your index and now i'm burning now heaven's someplace different it's handholding gracious pecks I knew what i was doing dante's ring's on your index
21.
index 04:44
its been full moon flesh all summer and sangria tastes like church in the pews next to your brother tithing hope you'll get in first we're broken brake pads, 94 in white sedans morning traffic, real life loading, hurts my hands but now i'm bleeding from the hip with all my sins i was baptized in your hot tub with the drunks and seraphims now heaven's someplace different it's handholding gracious pecks I knew what i was doing dante's ring's on your index and now i'm burning you didn't think you'd make it there's grace still in your eyes you saw god i saw a father a reflection of disguised growth in pure destruction through the cull i feel the static i've been staving off depression with indulgence and commandments but now i'm bleeding from the hip with all my sins i was baptized in your hot tub with the drunks and seraphims now heaven's someplace different it's handholding gracious pecks I knew what i was doing dante's ring's on your index and now i'm burning now heaven's someplace different it's handholding gracious pecks I knew what i was doing dante's ring's on your index
22.
23.
claw 03:14
somewhere in the harmony patient pretty things candle wax and comforting a hard wood floor synapse and snap and snap and gasp and crack troubled breathing lungs collapse like circus tents more elephants hold tighter on the reins i'm somewhere in the harmonies, blinders off- periphery the guns go off, i bend and buck try to leave but the door's still stuck when everything you wanted felt so close it always does i claw and claw and claw and claw and claw somewhere in the felt i freeze press, dress, mess me up i'm free to hold a pose, a statue of, the men i'll never be days of dishes in the sink i don't have time to feed the cat but i can pet and pet and pet i can laugh and laugh and laugh when everything you wanted felt so close it always does i claw and claw and claw and claw and claw when everything you wanted felt so close it always does i claw and claw and claw and claw and claw
24.
the guiltiest sleep while the guiltiest dream of doing things right every time breakfast, bedhead so sorry, storebought dozen eggs - give way i turn around and say i heard you talking last light circadia hums, fist fight serpent tongues, spider drool you made your home, i tossed around everyone, everyone, everyone decomposed, i watch you now decomposed, i watch you now
25.
hell isnt a place, it is a feeling of not knowing where you are or where you're stepping or how far, is too far from my parents house and tether, tangled in wishing "do better" sever several seconds from each exhale domesticate, suffer, suffocate, and do it all again again again again everything, green and overgrown the things you want, the things you own sever several seconds from each exhale domesticate, suffer, suffocate, and do it all again again again again again again again again again again again again
26.
we fall apart in the strangest ways we decompose in the strangest place we've got our health we've got our cat there's nothing else after that just holding hands, biding time, erasing debt, drawing lines on my face, my hands move slow, the doctrine promise, siren's low song now composed now composed now composed now composed there's blood in the bathroom sink i brush my teeth i brush my teeth there's blood in the bathroom sink i brush my hair, i try to think
27.
28.
miss america 03:58
like miss america mortar and pestle louisville slugger against my ribs turn and pivot bend me over louisville slugger against my ribs everyone i've ever loved tasted poison, turned to doves 12 gauge skeet shot, won't you stay? I'll destroy us, i'll destroy us it's better off this way
29.
30.
called you like twice at like 7 am button up shirts and playing pretend it's like you're the same when september begins it's like you're the same when september begins leaves turn to red you start coughing again leave from the bed you start talking again like time will not stop when you're missing your friends but you're too weak to leave you start talking again called you like twice at like 7 pm button down shirts and playing pretend i have a friend, lives in his basement when you're underground there are no arrangements to talk or fess up or forgive or forget i'm cutting strings from the basketball net by the end of the winter ill hardly be there i'll melt forever somewhere

about

2018-2019 demos and scratch tracks
organized from oldest to newest
all tracks written, produced, and arranged by chandler lach
cover designed by isaac daniels

still kicking

credits

released January 23, 2019

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all rights reserved

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about

ness lake Ypsilanti, Michigan

i lean in
n3sslake@gmail.com

@n3sslake on twitter/insta

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