varicose

by Ness Lake

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about

some songs i recorded that don't fit the genre of my other band

inspired by teen suicide, elvis depressedly, and flatsound

album art by Matthew Johnson
[matthewryanjohnson.com]

credits

released August 28, 2016

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license

all rights reserved

about

Ness Lake Detroit, Michigan

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Track Name: you used to shave your legs
if you die
id like to die too
at least, id like to die before you
with a pistol in my hands
and its barrel in my mouth
im in the waiting room
i cant be like magazines
fading in front of the window
waiting to be flipped through

waiting
asking god what have you done
asking god

because you used to shave your legs
now i shave my head in solidarity
asking what kind of god would strip me of your sincerity

because I don't think that I
I can't love after this
Track Name: not too hot
i dreamt last night that i spent too long
deciding what to write in your yearbook
as a closing thought to an argument
you and i sparred along our adolescence

i just wanted you to know

i hope you have a great summer
that it's not too hot
that you don't have to work outside
that you don't have to work outside don't work outside

i dreamt last night
that I spent too long
deciding what to write in your yearbook
is sincerity lost in gel pen?
is there a combination of words to get you to trust me again?

between acronyms and signatures
there's heartbeats and there's ligatures
i hope that you find what you've been looking for
I hope that you find love

that it's not too cold
that you don't get left outside
Track Name: early january
my cold feet
didnt stand a chance
against early january
and my beat up vans

as i looked at your hands and i thought about love
and how i couldnt feel you between my too thick gloves

I couldnt tell what was breath or smoke
but i could hear feel see taste smell the words that you spoke
coming out your lips in clouds that dissipate
into me regretting listening to what you had to say

i couldnt tell
what was salt or ice
as i walked alone along those yellow lines
tell me tell me am i still a part of your designs
lie to me and say that everything is alright
the ice accumulated on my windshield
i was so cloudy that i couldnt see good
and you felt like everything was exactly the same
Track Name: CM
i think it's terrifying
i think it is quite scary
that as the seasons change my breath it goes to menthol cherry
ive got an IV of black coffee and my throats too sore to smoke
yet i romanticize the two because it makes me feel composed
im power washing paint
to prepare for new coats
im buying salt to season pavement
ive been layering my clothes
the winters harsh on warm bodies
my heart's still pumping heat

i want to watch fightclub with your dad again on dvd

i want you to hit me as hard as you can
i want it to hurt i want to feel like the man
that my father intended on taking his name
creating a family and filling his frames

ive got paintings on the wall with artist's names i can't pronounce
you know that when I write these songs I get caught up in the pronouns
it's the way that I write these things that I feel that lets me step back and

say that
youre being dramatic
misanthropy is trite
write a happy song for once
well i think that i might
im putting postage on bad poetry
im too afraid to send

i want to watch fightclub with your dad again

i want you to hit me as hard as you can
i want it to hurt i want to feel like the man
that my father intended on taking his name
creating a family and filling his frames
Track Name: varicose
ive come to terms with the fact
as things turn green i turn black and blue
suffering from a lack of a tact when I talk to you
hoping that one day you understand just what i mean
there's good lighting in your bathroom
but I can hear you through the vent
youve been talking to my mother wishing i'd stop the arguments
with the mirror on the wall as i thought about you bathing
hoping water against tile won't drown out your singing
and i'll hear

"take my hand please hold me close, i'll love you till our veins grow varicose"
Track Name: salt stains
salt stains at the bottom of your shoes
reflect your good intentions and the things you meant to do
when you'd walk through the slush and you'd walk through the snow
just because you wanted me to know
that you cared
probably more than me
and I guess that that is fine, i think i led you to believe
that you were overbearing and you care too much
i guess that show how much i know about

being in love


so ill crush a word between my teeth
to keep the thoughts from coming out
ever since you said you were going north
my thoughts have been heading south

everytime i digress i put myself in a place, and if i stay there too long:

I can't erase the words that you wrote across my wrist and my chest
that say that you're all i need, i don't care about the rest

I can't replace the hole inside of my ribcage, it is a symbol, a reminder of my heart and your spade

I can't remember your face, the colors the contours, the flush of your cheeks, the way that I slept and the grinding of teeth
Track Name: unsubstantiated
i know all your signs
i know all your tells
i know whats in your hands
and i know it gives you hell
that you thought that tonight would last forever

ive been in that ring
ive fought that same fight
i know what wakes you up
and keeps you up in bed all night
it's the thought that things they wont get better

then you held my hands
looked me in the eyes
said i'm not an addict
i can quit at any point
you'll always see

im not hiding from the pain
im embracing it
youll see
it helps me

she says you say youre so lonely
but your feelings theyre unsubstantiated
she says you say youre so lonely
but at this point i think youre full of it
she says you say youre so lonely

but ive been here the whole time
Track Name: erase us / soco amaretto lime
you say youre all alone
and you dont know anything
forget about the sill and the knife
and pick up your phone
call your parents
you know they do well with these
daily doses of existentialism
better than i can say

tell me where your faith is
tell me how you face this
we're little black anarchy signs etched in pencil
and your teacher will erase us

right now you probably think you're pretty clever
with your skin hanging up inside your closet
you must think you're pretty smart as your pink fades to white
and you fall apart
everything
comes
to
an
end
but dont expedite that

tell me where your faith is
tell me how you face this
we're little black anarchy signs etched in pencil
and your teacher will erase us

[cover starts]